The First Ale Knight Foray

In which Sir Gallavant recounts many bold knightly tales and the appearance of the Agee Warrior.

The Tale of the First

Ale Knight Foray

The account of the first Ale Knight assemblage is truly lost in a misty haze of antiquity. Fittingly, many of the specifics have been forgotten even by the participants. The details described below are those which could be confirmed through independent sources.

The encounter took place in 1982 over the Memorial Day weekend. The Knights joined together to celebrate the coming of summer and to test their chivalrous mettle. This first engagement took place at the ancestral home of Sir Bacardi. In attendance were Sir Bacardi, Sir Gallavant, Sir Porkalot, Sir Valiant and Squire Paul (the subsequent Black Knight).

The clash started with games of mental and physical exertions which the Knights used to sharpen their wits, to inure their bodies to pain and to dull the senses. The first contest was a complicated, enigmatic and cut throat game called "Pass Out". In this match the Knights simply tried not to be the first one to slide under the table. Even so, the prowess of the Knights was such that none of the redoubtable fellows succumbed. The next game they tackled was a tribute to the renown military leader Colonel Puff. Here, using a combination of verbal jousting and intricate hand gestures, the Knights tried to prove who was the most dauntless and hardy. Again, the Knights all proved their worthiness.

After these great games of skill and cunning, the Knights proceeded to more difficult and dangerous challenges. First, the Knights stripped off their clothes and jumped into the cold spring tide of the Metedeconk River. The frigid dousing brought varied inspirations to each of the Knights. Squire Paul went to bed to dream of fishes. In a show of fortitude, Sir Bacardi and Sir Gallavant stayed in the water to purify their souls with the numbing cold of the briny water. Sir Porkalot was overcome with the spirit of the ancient and infamous "Agee Warrior". Donning a helm, with his body possessed, he ran through the grounds of Bacardi's estate and ultimately leapt from the second story speaking in tongues. Sir Valiant returned to the hearth and quietly meditated on the cause of his double vision.

Eventually, Sirs Bacardi and Gallavant felt that they had sufficiently purged their sins in the icy lagoon. However, upon returning to the door of the keep, they found it barred. Shivering in the cool spring night, they called for assistance. Sir Porkalot, still in his ecstatic fit of possession, was of no help. Sir Valiant had sunk deeply into his contemplation and the Knights could hear him chanting "I hear you knocking, but you can't come in..." Squire Paul snoozed oblivioulsy.

Ultimately, the Knights pounding awoke the lady of the house Queen Martha. She gained them entrance with much shaking of her head. The sight of the Queen Martha exorcised the spirit from the body of Sir Porkalot and he regained relative control of his intellect. The presence of the Queen also roused Sir Valiant from his musing. With obsequious bows to Martha, the Knights retired to their beds. From that day forth, it is said, Squire Paul became the Queen's favorite.

Recounted by Sir Gallavant.

(Editor's Note: Compare this with Sir Porkalot's account at "The Agee Warrior")

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Last modified: Sunday, 28-Apr-2019 13:57:46 MST.