Hello, my name is Sir Porkalot, and I will be your guide on this DrunkSpotting expedition. Bleech, what was that? Excuse me while I swat the flies from my drink. Accck, there it goes again! Nevermind.
Listen, when you are a drunk like me, it might be hard to focus. And when you can't focus, it's hard to see. That's why DrunkSpotting is a difficult task. Normally, one drunk finds it very difficult to find another. But I am here to show you how.
By the way, like this trick?
Look, I can hold my hand out without falling over.
Well, hang on to your hat, there's more excitment on its way.
Look at this drunk here. His name is Sir Bacardi, and he appears to be drunk. Notice that although he is asleep, he has perfect control of his rum and coke. In fact, that is how he got the name Bacardi -- by drinking many rum and cokes.
Everyone, please be quiet! Bacardi is asleep with visions of Ned in his head. Hey, turn the music down. It matters, not. Bacardi is sound asleep.
Notice that smile upon his face.
He must be having a nice dream.
Notice his hand upon his chest, touching, caressing himself gently.
It must be a very nice dream.
Whoa, now you've done it! Sir Bacardi is awake. Oh my, we've startled him with a hideous Frankenstein mask.
But he still seems happy. It is probably because he awoke to the aroma of a Swisher Sweet cigar. Bacardi likes Swisher Sweets. He likes them so much, he wants to have them when he wakes.
Also notice that Sir Bacardi's drink is gone.
Although his drink is gone, his hand is still in the shape of his drink.
Yes, like any good drunk, Sir Bacardi's drinking hand
is forever frozen in a G. I. Joe-like state,
poised and ready to hold a drink.
Sir Porkalot likes cigars too. In fact, Sir P will have a cigar with Sir B.
While they are puffing, Sir P gives Sir B the good ole one finger salute. But Sir B doesn't mind. In fact Sir B can't even focus.
Once again, notice Sir Bacardi's drink hand. No drink, but still ready for the next one. Now that's what we call a pro.
Hey kids, thanks for joining us on this DrunkSpotting
We hope you had as much fun as we had.
So, the next time you go DrunkSpotting,
be sure to have plenty to drink and lots of Swisher Sweets,
because nothing smells as sweet in the morning
as a drunk who's been smoking cigars all night long.