Reapers Smash Smashers

Skanky Stadium, Orcberg (Dwarven Associated Press, 08/01/95): Drim's Reapers claimed another victim to their devastating defense by shutting out the Slasher Smashers 1-0 in a hard fought match. The stalwart Dwarves were able to smother the potent (like sewer gas) Orc offense with hard hits and gang tackles. The Reapers slow, but efficient offense provided the only score required to win the game.

The Dwarves won the opening coin toss. The Orcs managed to kick the ball deep into Dwarf territory. The rookie runner, Haragrim dropped back and recovered the ball. He attempted a long pass to the blitzer Man-Mauler McGirk. The throw went wide and bounced into the open field. The Orcs tried to break into the Dwarf backfield to grab the loose ball, but the Dwarf line held fast. Borox, the excellent Dwarf runner, raced to the ball and recovered it. He made a quick hand-off to McGirk and the Dwarven steam roller started down the field. Mad Dog Garok, the berserk Dwarf Troll- slayer, cleared an opening by laying into the Orc quarterback The Howler. The force of Mad Dog's hit stopped the Qrc's play calling, permanently. After the body was removed from the field, the unstoppable Dwarf running game rolled on. Finally, McGirk marched into the end zone with a solid escort of blockers.

After the touchdown, the Dwarves kicked to the Orcs. The remaining Orc thrower scooped up the ball. Hoping to avoid a fate similar to The Howler's, he quickly threw a screen pass to a blitzer on the right side. The blitzer caught the ball on the tips of his claws and dashed through a gap along the side line. The Dwarf lineman, Jumbo the Terror, hit the blitzer, but the lucky ball carrier managed to stay on his feet. The Orc bounced away from Jumbo and sprinted towards the end zone. In a desperate attempt to score before the Dwarf tackler hit him again, the frantic Orc over extended himself and fell just as he reached the goal line. The Dwarves recovered the fumble. They were only able to get the ball back to the fifty yard line before time ran out in the first half.

The Second half began as the Reapers kicked off to the Smashers. The ball landed close to the line of scrimmage. The Orcs had to hold the line as their thrower ran forward to get the ball. The Dwarves surged against the Qrc blockers pushing them back, but could not reach the ball in time. The green-skinned thrower snatched the ball and passed it over the Dwarves towards a blitzer in the open. The Dwarf lineman, Gorth, displaying uncharacteristic coordination, seized the ball in the air for the Reapers' first interception of the season. Gorth stepped behind a line of blockers and started forward. The Orcs raced everyone towards the ball carrier. The field erupted in a massed melee as the Dwarves fought for ground and the Orcs fought for the ball. Both sides hit and fouled each other in a violent struggle for victory. The fans went crazy. They leapt to their feet and screamed for blood.

Erik the Elf-Eater responded to the screams by demonstrating his appetite for Orc flesh. He threw an Orc blitzer into the stands. The derranged crowd (including the fickle Orc fans) beat the Orc to a pulp giving Erik his fourth casualty of the season. Erik currently leads the League in casualties. The frenzied battle lasted for the remainder of the second half. The Dwarves did not gain an inch of turf and the Orcs could not get to the ball. The savage stalemate was classic Dwarven and Orc play. Especially the final two minutes when the action became as ugly as an Orc bride. Both sides abandoned any hope of scoring and simply hit the nearest opponent. Showing particular intensity was the Troll-slayer Torok the Toothless. He managed to neutralize the huge and stupid (even for an Orc) Black Orcs, continually blocking them out of the fray.

After the game, Mad Dog was asked about the significance of his second kill of the season. "AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!" he responded with typical Troll-slayer humility.

Kevin "Blood and Guts" Mooney reporting