The Ausland Statesman - (18 Dec 1996):
In early tournament competitions, the Wood Elf team of coach Sprittle Tree Hugger, the National Park Caretakers, battled two Orc teams to an even record of one win and one toss. The even record proved an acceptable start for Elven General Manager Dan Becker.
On Monday night (16 Dec 1996)) the Caretakers met the Orc Mud City Maulers of Dave Wuethrich in an epic battle of speed against brute power. The teams exchanged the lead several times in this close match, resulting in a 3-2 Mauler victory.
In the opening kickoff, the Maulers took the early lead by taking to the sky, as Mauler Troll Torgiob hefted a handy goblin toward the goal line. A perfect landing and a quick sprint by the stunty little fellow lead to a Mauler lead IA). However, the goal was not unanswered as the Caretaker quarterback Snakearm heaved the ball deep to waiting catcher Nike to tie the game at 1-1. Through the rest of game, the Elves and the Orcs battled it out in the midfield, settling at an even score of 2~ at the end of regulation time.
The Maulers, however, had the advantage by their methodic pounding of the Elven team. When overtime began, there were only four Caretakers on the field to answer the charge of the swarmy Orc brigade. Sure, they only had four players, but one was a passer, one was a catcher, and one was star player Jordie Bebe with an agility of 5 and skills of dodge, catch, side step, and diving catch. At this point, with the game tied 2-2 in overtime, all the Elves had to do was loft a pass into the endzone.
"Die," shouted Elven wardancer Jordie Bebe, "and let their Orc bones be recycled into nitrogen rich plant fertilizer!" The Ump's whistle blew, and the Orcs kicked the ball deep into the well tended grass of the Caretaker half of the field. The Orcs stampeded toward the ball. The Elves scrambled in an attempt to set up the play. With animal fervor, the Orcs charged shouting "Glaaaarrrrr! Fllrrrrgggg!" The unnerved Elven quarterback Snakearm fumbled his first attempt to pick up the ball. "Billeeeerrrraggg! Reeeeetttccchh!," shouted the Orcs, and for the second time, Snakearm botches his attempt to pick up the ball. It was too late. The Orcs surrounded the Elven quarterback, pounded him black and blue) picked up the ball, and stumbled into the endzone for a 3-2 Orc victory.
On Wednesday night (18 Dec 96) the Elves travelled to the mid-Jersey hinterlands to take on the Orc Laughing Skulls team of General Manager Doug Hood. Despite the excellent Orc hospitality of locally produced ale and fine Pizza Slut Pizza, the Elven Caretakers trounced the Orcs in a 4-1 drubbing.
In a characteristic manner, the Caretakers took to the air, and produced the first score by connecting Elven passer Snakearrn to catcher Reebock. The Orcs copied the strategy, and, in a similar fashion, attempted to use a M'Org N'Thorg-Iike Ogre to toss Goblin Comholio towards the goal line. But the strategy failed, as the little Goblin lost his footing as he came crashing to the ground. The Caretakers scooped up the ball and quickly ran across the breadth of the field. As the Ores wheezed in attempt to catch the speedy Elves, the Caretekers quickly ran for a goal. The half ended in a 2-0 Elven lead.
In the second half, the Orcs were often forced into dire situations by the leaping, bounding Elves. In the first drive of the half, one high agility Orc passer was intercepted by Elven lineman Moon Eagle. Moon handed the ball off to Wardancer Speedy Morte who ran the ball to the end zone. In the very next drive, Moon Eagle again intercepted the passing Orcs and before long the score was 4-0.
At this point, the disheartened Laughing Skulls took to injuring their foes. Soon, the Ores had amassed 4 casulaties, but it was too late to even up the score. In a last ditch effort, the Skulls used the Ogre to pass a Goblin who ran into the end zone with no time remaining, final score 4-1.
Dan "Rapskallion" Becker reporting